2010 Omigodtheykilledkenny presidential election

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Omigodtheykilledkenny presidential election, 2010

2005 ←
March 30, 2010 (2010-03-30)
→ 2015

  Fernanda2010.jpg Schweitzer2010.jpg Bromowitz2010.jpg
Candidate Manuelo Fernanda Sandy Schweitzer Howie Bromowitz
Party Conservative Independent Liberal
Home state District of Pacifica Thorland Nueva Jorge
Running mate Sammy Faisano Adriana Dreamcatcher Jim Hankley
Electoral vote 686 99 69
States carried 29+D.P. 4 2
Popular vote 779,485,372 543,827,004 453,189,170
Percentage 43% 30% 25%

The Kennyite presidential election of 2010 was held on March 30, 2010. Voters re-elected Manuelo Fernanda as president and chose then-Secretary of State Sammy Faisano to be vice president. Fernanda and Faisano defeated Liberal candidates Howie Bromowitz and Jim Hankley respectively. "Judge Sandy" Schweitzer also ran a strong independent campaign for the presidency in 2010, after failing to defeat Fernanda in the Conservative primaries.

Candidates

President

  • Manuelo Fernanda was the Conservative nominee and the incumbent president.
  • Sandy Schweitzer was a former federal judge and governor of Thorland, running as an independent.
  • Howie Bromowitz, a notorious radio shock-jock, was the Liberal nominee.

Vice President

  • Sammy Faisano was then the secretary of state and a former ambassador to the United Nations, nominated by the Conservative party.
  • Adriana Dreamcatcher was a private citizen and antiabortion activist chosen as Schweitzer's vice-presidential candidate.
  • Jim Hankley was the Liberal nominee and a former and future Speaker of the Federal Assembly.

Background

Fernanda reacts to criticism about his "small hands."

Heading into 2009, polls showed incumbent Manuelo Fernanda with a commanding lead in the polls, despite growing concerns within his own Conservative base about the never-ending parade of sex scandals and the administration's libertarian policies. The president maintained a strong approval rating -- with Conservatives and independents in particular still giving him high marks -- and was expected to win in a landslide. Nevertheless, Judge Sandy Schweitzer saw cracks in his Conservative support (with as much as 25% indicating they'd rather nominate someone else) and embarked on a media tour to blast Fernanda's moral deficiencies. Increasingly voters said they shared Schweitzer's concerns, though polls still showed Fernanda would win the Conservative nomination easily. On February 2009 Schweitzer officially announced she would challenge Fernanda for the 2010 Conservative nomination.

Vice President Antigone Morgan announced she would not run for another term, and endorsed her friend Sammy Faisano, then the secretary of state, to succeed her.

Conservative primaries

A pro-Schweitzer meme.

Schweitzer experienced an early wave of momentum in the early contests. She nearly beat Fernanda in the Lubberland caucuses, and went on to win the Colorado Island primary. In an attempt to save the president, Fleurdelisia had moved up its own primary to try and block a more conservative challenger. Fernanda won Fleurdelisia easily, but a sex tape, purportedly showing the president with Kim Kardashian, helped reinforce Schweitzer's claims that Fernanda's moral lapses were an embarrassment to the party and the country. A "coup" stunt by Fernanda in the wake of his victory in the Paradise City primary also turned off many of his own supporters. Schweitzer won her home state of Thorland and pulled out a surprise victory in the more liberal Nueva Jorge, but quickly lost her footing after defeat in the major prizes of Kennsylvania and Santa Califia. Far behind in delegates and seeing no clear path to winning the Conservative nomination outright, Schweitzer dropped out of the remaining contests and announced she would take her message directly to the general election voters as an independent.

Liberal primaries

John Thorne sought to take on Fernanda again in 2010, and built up a strong national organization, assuming he would be unopposed. But when scores of his own voters fell asleep while trying to mark their ballots, shock-jock radio host Harvey Bromowitz -- who had gotten his name on the ballot as a joke -- quickly saw an upsurge of support, and eventually eked out Thorne for the nomination.

Campaign

The knives quickly came out. Fernanda repeatedly referred to Judge Sandy as "Judge Sheister" and continued to insinuate she was really a man. Sheister--er, "Schweitzer" pledged to "break up the Frowning Street prostitution ring" and picked fights with just about every one of the president's prominent supporters, from Antigone Morgan to Ann Coulter to the Empress of The Palentine -- the latter of whom she called "our region's very own one-woman harem." Coulter, in turn, penned columns examining tabloid reports that Schweitzer's husband was a male gigolo before they married ("I'm not saying that's how they met," she pointedly noted, "but anything's possible."). Morgan, for her part, leaked Schweitzer's long-rumored, unpublished 1970s photo-shoot for Kennyboy. Bromowitz limited his "campaigning" to simply going on the air every morning as usual to laugh at everyone else in the race, and putting his campaign donations toward paying off his own broadcast-indecency fines. All in all, it was the cleanest presidential campaign in Kennyite history.

Speculation held that with another conservative on the ballot, it would make Fernanda's re-election efforts rather difficult. However, polls showed that Fernanda picked up more Liberal and independent support from the Liberals' nomination of "Señor Sleazebag" than he lost when Schweitzer kicked off her independent run. Meanwhile, many of Schweitzer's supporters were turned off by her Kennyboy photos -- not because they exposed the moral crusader as a hypocrite, but because her body was "only so-so."

Results

According to exit polls, Schweitzer received the support of just 31% of Conservatives and 27% of independents, yielding the lion's share of both groups to Fernanda. Additionally, the president took 39% of Liberals' support, allowing him to vault to an easy victory, at least in the popular vote, with 43% support -- thirteen points higher than Schweitzer, who eked out Bromowitz for second place. Fernanda won 29 out of 34 states, and even stole the District of Pacifica from the Liberals, with 53% to Bromowitz's 38%. Schweitzer won narrow victories in the Conservative states of Lubberland, Colorado Island and Cartman Keys, along with her home state of Thorland. Bromowitz won Marsh Islands and most districts of Nueva Jorge.

Faisano crushed his opponents in the vice-presidential preference vote, taking 58% of the popular vote and garnering 695 electoral votes, or nine more than Fernanda. (Apart from Morgan's 2005 victory, this would be the only modern instance of the winning VP candidate taking more electoral votes than his or her running mate.)

President

Omigodtheykilledkenny presidential election, 2010
Candidate / Party State Electors Pop. % Popular vote
  Manuelo Fernanda (C) District of Pacifica 686 43% 779,485,372
  Sandy Schweitzer (I) Thorland 99 30% 543,827,004
  Howie Bromowitz (L) Nueva Jorge 69 25% 453,189,170

Additional materials