Antarctic Oasis Delegate Smackdowns

From NSWiki
Jump to: navigation, search

The semiannual competition for the Regional Delegacy is a headlining event of the Antarctic Oasis region's social calender. The concept for an all-out contest for aspiring delegates, instead of the standard one-nation/one-vote election held in many regions, originates from the region founder's sadistic mind. It involves putting candidates through a series of mentally, physically and emotionally straining (or otherwise incredibly silly) roleplayed tasks, designed to test their fitness for office; they are usually played out by one or more of the competing nations' characters, and often relate to UN/WA affairs. These contests, held in June and December of each year, have been historically judged by the Unholy Trinity (currently Omigodtheykilledkenny, The Palentine and Yelda). The winner is entitled to serve a six-month term as delegate.


While the rules of the individual contests vary, there is a standard set of guidelines posted for nations desiring to run for delegate. These guidelines detail what qualifications and expectations candidates for delegate should meet. They are:

  • You gotta be in the region and in the WA.
  • You have to stay semi-involved on the WA forum.
  • You have to announce your vote in Official Topic threads once in a while.
  • You have to maintain a faithful voting record on WA resolutions.
  • You have to keep up-to-date on WA business items regularly discussed on Jolt and off-site forums.
  • You get to vote however you want on WA resolutions, but you have to let the region keep a record of your voting history on NSwiki.
  • You have to commit a little time to participating in the roleplay. If you flake on us, you probably won't be selected.
  • Your term will be roughly six months, with the option of serving another six-month term at the end of this one, but the founder can remove you from office at any time, for cause. There is no due process, right to remain silent, impeachment, judgment, appeal or anything else, either. The founder's word is law. So behave yourself.

Delegate Pageant

  • Competing Nations: Gruenberg*, Kivisto, Cluichstan

What was billed as the "second" semiannual competition for the delegacy was actually the region's first such contest. The first "first" competition was canceled in December 2005. The June 2006 event held in Paradise City was a variety show, with sketches inspired by game shows such as The Dating Game and American Idol. The consensus of the judging nations was that relative newcomer Kivisto had won on points (since it was the only nation to complete all of the assigned tasks), but that Gruenberg, having finished in a strong second-place showing, was more qualified for the post. Gruenberg served as delegate until December 2006.


2006 Delegate Election

  • Competing Nations: Kivisto*, Karmicaria, Retired WerePenguins

Elections were set to determine the holder of the delegacy after Gruenberg declined a second term in December 2006. This was the first time that a regionwide vote on anything took place, and instead of governments casting a single vote -- as in most regional elections -- the voters of participating nations got to decide, with one, not insignificant catch: no one ever said the winner of the election got to be delegate. (Admittedly, the Kennyites only said that in case Retired WerePenguins came in first.) Luckily, the Kivistans trounced their opponents in the debate in Flurthwel, and went on to finish 1.1 billion votes ahead of everybody.


Candidate Nation Nations
 % of vote Votes
Oskar Feldstein Kivisto 7 46.7% 5,741,608,488
Dahlia Black Karmicaria 3 37.6% 4,621,615,895
Flash Blonde Retired WerePenguins 3 15.5% 1,902,405,092
Others (various) 0 0.2% 24,218,028


The Amazing Race

  • Competing Nations: Kivisto*, Karmicaria, Complete Malevolence

Kivisto became the first delegate to announce for a second term in June 2007, as contenders for the prize embarked on a worldwide quest (totally ripped from the reality TV show The Amazing Race) that took them to exotic locales throughout the NS multiverse, including the terror-besieged Ausserlander embassy in Paradise City, the United Nations Strangers' Bar, a Klöllen-hunting collective in Yelda, even Empress Jhessan's bedroom. Karmicaria was forced to withdraw after the first round, and Complete Malevolence seemed speedier than the rest, finishing first. But the judges said Kivisto won on points, allowing the creepy bastards to serve out till the end of the year.


Keeping Up with Julius

During Lord Julius' competition, the region was introduced to Felix's "vice delegate" candidate Mister Jones.
  • Competing Nations: Iron Felix*, Omigodtheykilledkenny, Douria, Zarquon Froods, Quadalingo, Bloodstone Kay

In the first delegate contest not significantly planned by the Kennyites, The Palentine decided to host junior diplomats from across the region in The 'Burgh. Their job would be to apprentice to Prime Minister Lord Julius for a month in December 2007, in the reality TV show Keeping Up with Julius (loosely based on the VH1 series Surviving Nugent). Candidates were asked to perform a variety of tasks to prove their diplomatic mettle, including analyzing and finding loopholes in UN legislation, stealing olives from the Strangers' Bar, finding an enemy for Gruenberg to invade, fooling the disengaged Emperor Spaulding into signing state documents, even inciting a terror scare or two. Famed Yeldan UN representative Felix Dzerzhinsky (who had hired some help) was eventually chosen, but not before he was nearly blown up at the contestants' townhouse, and chased out of town dressed as Hitler.


2008 Regional Primaries

  • Competing Nations: Douria*, Cobdenia, The Evil Smurfs, The Palentine, Zarquon Froods

With members of the region having passed nine UN resolutions that year, only to have all of them nullified by the World Assembly, Iron Felix had had enough by the end of his term in June 2008. His retirement prompted nations to announce for the contest to replace him; five of them would go on to challenge each other in a drawn-out primary showdown to put that year's protracted Hillary-Obama standoff to shame. After a five-week battle, three nations -- Douria, Cobdenia and the Evil Smurfs -- were in striking distance of clinching the nomination. Douria won the final three contests handily, putting that nation over the top.

Douria resigned the delegacy two months later, allowing Snefaldia to serve out the rest of its term.


Candidate Nation Nations
 % of vote Votes
Robert Dylan Douria 9 2,313 37% 7,794,562,826
Mackenzie van Dijk Cobdenia 5 1,127 22% 4,544,931,762
Botschafter Smurf The Evil Smurfs 2 862 14% 2,972,774,325
Horatio Sulla The Palentine --- ---1 19% 3,987,718,711
Sintar Maxem Zarquon Froods --- 69 4% 811,621,234
Others (various) --- 6 4% 795,856,474

1 Horatio Sulla of The Palentine dropped out of the race and committed his 124 Delegate Votes to Douria.


It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World Assembly!

Similar to the situation above, the Leicestershirians' Weinermobile was run off the road in Lubberland and crashed into a Gay Porn Expo (the venue for which we assume was more hilariously ass-shaped).
  • Competing Nations: Cobdenia*, New Leicestershire

The region's leaders again converged on Paradise City in December 2008 to decide upon a successor for Snefaldia, which had declined a second term. Taking an idea from a couple classic movies, President Fernanda announced a race across the region to retrieve a hefty cash prize from somewhere in the then-not-yet-completed WA Headquarters. The competitors from New Leicestershire and Cobdenia were the only ones actually seeking the regional delegacy, but a couple Kennyites and Palentines were also along for the ride, to cause a little extra trouble. None of the racers ever made it past Murrayland, and the Cobdenians were lost somewhere near the Kennyite border, but their government had supplied the biggest bribe, so they were declared the winners.

A follow-up competition, this one a maritime race, was scheduled for summer of 2009, but was subject to so many unexplained delays by its intended host, Gruenberg, that it was eventually canceled. Krioval was subsequently named Cobdenia's successor.


2012 Regional Primaries

  • Competing Nations: Zarquon Froods*, Murray the Evil Skull, Krioval, Hiriaurtung Arororugul

A lot had happened since the Smackdowns began to drift apart back in '09...most blamed the breakup on the WA's jumping the shark around that time; that's when some members of the group started branching out to do "solo projects." Eventually, folks forgot about the group's past successes, and their alums were subject to occasional mocking and ridicule as "geriatric fossils" past their prime. The group hadn't played together in over three years when its founder Omigodtheykilledkenny unexpectedly announced a Reunion Tour in April 2012, and 12 nations eagerly signed up to host events. It was a bumpy road (so to speak) for the reunited Smackdowns: the bus kept breaking down, "the heartthrob" Henrik Søgård (owing to domestic troubles) failed to show for any events, "the tough guy" Hiriaurtung Arororugul pulled out of the tour the first week, and several events were either canceled or abandoned. But in the end, the writer of this article had to dispense with the silly rock-band metaphor, and Sintar Maxem of Zarquon Froods won the 2012 Delegate Smackdown, edging out second-place finisher Susa Batko-Yovino by 617 "Delegate Votes."

Though the competition was organized as a rehash of the '08 primary elections, no popular vote was reported this time.


Candidate Nation Nations
 % of vote
Sintar Maxem Zarquon Froods 5 1,557 53%
Susa Batko-Yovino Not sanctioned 940 32%
Murray the Evil Skull None 1 364 12%
Henrik Søgård Krioval 84 3%
Hiriaurtung Arororugul Aundotutunagir 0 0 0%

Søgård and Batko-Yovino tied in Alqanian Antarctica, so they are both listed as "half-winners" there.


See also