Jenny Chiang

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Jenny Chiang
Chiang.JPG
Then-Lt. Chiang, protecting her country from psychotic rampaging kittens, 2005
Kennyite National Security Adviser
Incumbent
Assumed office February 13, 2008
President Manuelo Fernanda
Sammy Faisano
Kennyite Security Attaché to the World Assembly
Incumbent
Assumed office March 2006
Personal details
Born (1977-10-25) October 25, 1977 (age 46)
Paradise City, D.P.
Political party Conservative
Residence WA Headquarters

Jennifer Lee Chiang (b. October 25, 1977) is a Kennyite diplomat and military officer who is the Conservative nominee for president of Omigodtheykilledkenny in the 2020 election. Described as "a macho Navy commando in a corset and a thong," she currently serves the Kennyite national security adviser and security attaché to the World Assembly. Captain Chiang has held her post at the WA since 2006 (while it was still the UN), and retained it after she was nominated to take the place of then-National Security Adviser Karen Greene in 2008. The captain's surname derives from that of Chinese republican hero Chiang Kai-shek, from whom she claims direct lineage.

Career

An officer in a naval "Stripper Commandos" brigade during the 2005 Kawaiian Kitten Revolution, Lieutenant Chiang was promoted to commander and given command over the security detail for the Kennyite UN/WA mission in March 2006. When then-Ambassador Jack Riley was placed on "medical leave" in July of that year, Chiang was granted broader authority to formulate mission policy, especially as it applied to national- and international-security matters. She served as interim ambassador in 2007 and deputy ambassador from 2007 to 2008. She was promoted to captain in 2011.

Chiang speaks for the Federal Republic during many General Assembly floor debates and drafting sessions, and is considered the more blunt and "brutally honest" speaker on the Kennyites' WA team. She is a steadfast advocate for rudeness, profanity and incivility on the GA floor. As security attaché, her rather zealous efforts at protecting the mission and its staff from perceived threats have come under scrutiny: she has been accused, if not formally charged, with using torture on terror suspects, spearheading "illegal" wiretaps, and installing listening devices in the Strangers' Bar, where she is a frequent customer.

She is said to have shared an excellent rapport with Sammy Faisano while he was UN ambassador, and has proven quite adept at thwarting current Ambassador Susa Batko-Yovino's attempts to explode himself.

Famous quote

 
 
We're not baking cookies here; we're crafting international law, and there's no reason on Earth why we shouldn't express the positions of our respective governments with all due clarity and bluntness. ... You wanna make friends? Go visit the Strangers' Bar -- and as long as we're tossing out clichés, if ya can't take the heat, buddy, get the fuck out of the kitchen!
 

 

Additional materials