Omigodtheykilledkenny and the World Assembly

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Omigodtheykilledkenny
World assembly.jpg Omigodtheykilledkenny.jpg
World Assembly membership
Membership Observer
Ambassador Jenny Chiang (acting)

Omigodtheykilledkenny has been an active participant in the World Assembly since the organization's founding in 2008; however, the nation has not been a full member of the body since 2009, when it withdrew amid rumors that the WA was just an elaborate prank that Max Barry was playing on everyone.[1] (For the record, the WA's founders insist that their beloved international organization is not a hoax, despite the fact that it was founded on April Fools' Day...that it appointed a ridiculous comic supervillain as secretary-general...that half of its ambassadors are certifiably insane...etc.) In response to the scandal, the Kennyite government outsourced its WA mission to a tiny island in the sub-Antarctic, and its publicly funded KSPAN network repackaged its regular broadcasts of WA floor sessions into a hit reality show.[2] Nonetheless, Kennyite diplomats to the WA remain committed to working within the organization to limit its powers in the name of national sovereignty, and to ensure that the powers it does exercise are done so responsibly. Oh, and also to blow up the General Assembly at every available opportunity...which admittedly was not one of the Kennyites' official goals when it joined the WA, but that's sort of what they get for making a suicide terrorist their former ambassador and head of mission.

To date, the Federal Republic has sponsored four successful resolutions (one since repealed) within the WA General Assembly, as well as one failed repeal. The nation also authored a number of resolutions in the WA's predecessor organization from 2005 to 2008. It has held itself up as a standard-bearer for failed UN/WA resolutions, having sponsored eight unsuccessful resolutions in both bodies. (Other countries such as Christian Democrats and Glen-Rhodes have sponsored even more).

History

Kennyite involvement with the WA began long before its establishment. It was a member of the preceding organization, the United Nations. A staffer for the administration of departing President John Thorne -- who had just been defeated for re-election by conservative, anti-UN challenger Manuelo Fernanda -- submitted an application to join the global body, to dare the incoming president to quit. Thorne must have thought it was awful funny, but not so Fernanda, who was ready to withdraw as soon as he got in the door (and banged a couple of attractive female aids first). However, then-Secretary of State Alex Tehrani convinced him not to go through with the plan, suggesting that the administration could do more damage from within the UN than from without. Step one: appoint the most bombastic, disagreeable, disruptive ambassador they could possibly find. As luck would have it, Jack Riley was available. Riley's obsession with dolphins would lead the Federal Republic into its disastrous first foray into UN legislating.

Thereafter, the Kennyites would establish an especially heavy presence in the UN, their influence over the body aided by their affiliation with the sovereigntist bloc, which was very powerful at the time. But the national delegation was too busy spying on other delegates, and writing failed resolution after failed resolution after failed resolution, to enjoy any of it. Also there was an international incident involving Jack Riley and someone's cat. The Federal Republic withdrew from the UN for a few months in 2006 until an agreement could be reached on anti-terrorism legislation. Future President Sammy Faisano and future Vice President Jessie McArthur were then named as ambassador and deputy ambassador to the UN, respectively.

Members of the Kennyite National Guard celebrate the UN's downfall by moon a UN flag in Paradise City, 2008.

The United Nations was dissolved in 2008, prompting the Kennyite government to pass a referendum on whether to remain as part of the organization that replaced it, the WA. The referendum failed, 55% to 45%, even though a Kennyite-sponsored resolution to establish a WA Headquarters was at vote in the General Assembly at the time.[3] Omigodtheykilledkenny rejoined the WA in September, sponsoring another successful resolution to fund WA operations, as well as a free-expression act. However, when a so-called "Security Council" was established in June 2009 -- enabling members to "commend" each other based on stupid conspiracy theories about the "players" who supposedly control them, and "condemn" equally stupid stuff like the colors used in regional marquees -- the Federal Republic permanently withdrew from the World Assembly, relegating its interests to a small outlying island with a population of about 1,000, and effectively ceding control of the island to the WA gnomes. This cessation effectively left the Kennyite mission in the hands of Susa Batko-Yovino, an "unlawful combatant" who had been exiled to the then-UN in 2007, under the watchful eye of Kennyite security attaché Cdr. Jenny Chiang.

From then on, Kennyite activity at the WA was reduced to pointing and laughing at all the other idiotic countries suffering from the delusion that their moronic laws actually mean something -- and continually grossing everyone out with Chiang and Batko-Yovino's sexually charged mutual antipathy. K-SPAN even brought in a camera crew to document the WA's imbecilic proceedings for the enjoyment of millions of Kennyite reality-TV fans back home. The resultant product, World Assembly, is an international sensation.

Voting policy

The Federal Republic -- at least back when it still gave a shit what passed or didn't pass in the UN/WA -- has been historically hostile to human-rights, social justice and environmental legislation. No that it doesn't care about human rights (for example), but mostly because much of the work product in those areas has been incredibly awful. This, along with their long association with Antarctic Oasis, has earned the Kennyites an unfortunate reputation for being "dictatorial" despite the country's exceptional civil rights and political freedoms standings. It wasn't until the end of 2007, when Abolition of Slavery was introduced, that Omigodtheykilledkenny could actually bring itself to vote for a human-rights resolution. The national delegation usually abstains as a means of tacit support for human-rights or environmental resolutions that might actually do some good in the world. However, this is not often.

At the same time, Kennyites have been broadly supportive of free-trade and international-security accords. They have even introduced several resolutions in the latter category. (Predictably, they all failed.) Among the few matters of substantive law that have especially interested the nation are committing the UN/WA to counter international terror (which is understandable, if any readers have ever visited Paradise City), and to protect freedom of speech. The Federal Republic is especially gung-ho for most repeals and so-called "blocker resolutions," which limit the UN/WA's authority in targeted areas. This conforms to the Kennyites' long-established view that the power of the UN/WA must be limited, so as to uphold national sovereignty wherever possible, and to prevent unmitigated disasters such as Promotion of Solar Panels, International Criminal Court, Reproductive "Freedoms", and Max Barry Day.

United Nations

  • Repeal "Protection of Dolphins Act" (failed)
  • Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act" (failed)
  • Resolution #143: Repeal "Gay Rights"
  • Unconventional Arms Accord (failed)
  • Prohibition of UN Military (failed)
  • Repeal "Mutual Recognition of Borders" (failed)
  • Resolution #225: Repeal "Max Barry Day"
  • Free Expression Act (failed)
  • Resolution #239: Repeal "Humanitarian Intervention"

World Assembly

Creative Solutions Agency

See also: Creative Solutions Agency (meme)

The Creative Solutions Agency or CSA is an organ of the Department of Justice that issues formal recommendations to legislators and regulators regarding how best to circumvent and/or subvert UN/WA law while at the same time remaining in technical "compliance" with the same. Even though it is effectively defunct at present, as Omigodtheykilledkenny has not been a WA member for seven years, its name has become synonymous with exploiting loopholes, and its shenanigans have earned it international fame (or infamy, as it were). The CSA was the main subject of Omigodtheykilledkenny's 2010 condemnation, and several other countries have sought to emulate its example with their own Creative Solutions Agencies. Perhaps the agency's most notorious examples of "creative compliance" included changing the definition of "chemical weapons" in national law to "gummy bears" (famously resulting in a lawsuit by angry parents of snack-loving kids), outlawing marriage so as to get out of enforcing a faulty divorce-rights resolution, and increasing fossil-fuel output by 1,000% in a single year to skew international statistics on emission reductions.

Personnel

Ambassador

Omigodtheykilledkenny Ambassador to the World Assembly
Chiang.JPG
Incumbent
Jenny Chiang (acting)
Since Match 2019
Nominator Sammy Faisano
Inaugural holder Jack Riley
as Ambassador to the United Nations

The ambassador is the Federal Republic's head of mission to the World Assembly. From 2007 to 2019, the post was unofficially entrusted to Susa Batko-Yovino, despite the fact that he was highly suspected in blowing up his late wife, Queen Adrienne of Karmicaria, and burning down the UN Headquarters. His main duties appeared to be gambling away his royal inheritance at the WAHQ casino, threatening to detonate himself on the General Assembly floor when things weren't going his way, and screwing the brains out of his "security attaché" (really, his parole officer). Said parole officer, National Security Adviser Jenny Chiang, took over Batko-Yovino's former duties on an interim basis starting March 2019. Batko-Yovino's whereabouts are currently unknown.

Historically, however, this position has had great significance in the Kennyite government. A cabinet-level post, it has been occupied by accomplished diplomats who would later be propelled to high office, such as Jack Riley (2005-06, later secretary of state, then vice president) and Sammy Faisano (2006-07, now president).

Deputy Ambassador

The deputy ambassador formerly filled in for the ambassador from time to time (but most often simply raided the minibar and passed out in the bathtub). The position was abolished in 2007 after then-Deputy Ambassador Jessie McArthur allegedly got plastered with several teenage male aids, being later discovered naked and unconscious with them in the Vastivan Memorial Reflecting Pool -- and the Fernanda Administration quickly recalled her to Paradise City to avoid any legal complications. Omigodtheykilledkenny was going to revive the post and appoint Ann Coulter to fill it in 2009,[4] but that was just days before the nation withdrew from the World Assembly, and she was never credentialed.

Security Attaché

The security attaché was formerly an important position within the mission, seeing to the security of Kennyite diplomats and formulating the Federal Republic's policy on UN/WA international-security legislation, but it's mostly been relegated to a sort of "babysitting" job to look after Susa. Despite its reduced prestige, Capt. Jenny Chiang continues to hold the post since her initial appointment in 2006. The WAHQ is an essential "listening post," Chiang has insisted, and besides, despite his adolescent and decidedly psychotic temperament, her charge does provide an important, er, service.[5] OK, moving on...

Other staff

An assortment of lower-level officials assists and has assisted the mission with its business. For example, Jimmy Baca, when he's not carrying out his official duties as secretary of state, also babysits Susa. George Brown was director of communications after his term as deputy ambassador expired; and former Assemblywoman Shirley Jackson, a persistent (if mentally unstable) critic of the Fernanda Administration, was "acting interim associate deputy assistant sub-ambassador" for a short time before being appointed ambassador to The Eternal Kawaii. Then, of course, there's the Stripper Commandos, renowned the world over for their incomparable ability to topple regimes with just one shake of their asses.[6] And no Kennyite mission would be complete without a couple spare assistants to help smooth things over after unfortunate, er, incidents (or inevitable fire damage): legal adviser Julian Estrada and PR consultant Carrie Montenegro.[4]