Political parties of Omigodtheykilledkenny

From NSWiki
Revision as of 21:19, 18 December 2018 by Omigodtheykilledkenny (Talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

Omigodtheykilledkenny is a multiparty democracy dominated by two main parties wielding a veritable monopoly of power and influence over government -- while a bunch of other little "third" parties mostly just take up space on the ballot. The center-right God-fearing Freedom-loving Conservative Patriot Party (longform for the Conservatives) holds a slight edge over the center-left Pansy-ass Liberal Hippy Treehugger Party (Liberals) both in the Federal Congress and the electoral college. And before you ask, yes, those are the actual names of the two major parties. They are commonly referred to (pejoratively) as "Cons" and "Libs."

There is also a Kennyite Green Party, which mostly bitches about corporate welfare and routinely calls for the impeachment of everybody; a Kennyite Libertarian Party, which stubbornly refuses to die despite everything they stand for already being made the law; and a so-called Federal Constitution Party, which calls for an end to all international economic and military commitments and pretty much thinks the only good use for the federal government is to bully minorities.

Party list

Party Shorthand Founded Leader Strength Orientation
  God-fearing Freedom-Loving Conservative Patriot Party Conservative 1831 Sammy Faisano Assembly: 321
Senate: 19
Governors: 16
Legislatures: 16
Center-right
  Pansy-ass Liberal Hippy Treehugger Party Liberal 1818 Jim Hankley Assembly: 314
Senate: 16
Governors: 19
Legislatures: 19
Center-left
  Green Party of Omigodtheykilledkenny Green 1984 Shirley Jackson 3 tiny failed cities Left-wing
  Libertarian Party of Omigodtheykilledkenny Libertarian 1968 Joey Shabadoo 6 statehouse seats Libertarian
  Federal Constitution Party n/a 1990 Tom Smith n/a Right-wing

History

It is a common misconception that the wild-eyed, cowboyish Thor founded the Conservative Party, while his more sober and competent successor Doug Frowning founded the Liberals. Although Frowning's policies were more liberal than Thor's, the actual party did not get its start until 1818, when the druggie President Joseph Morrison secretly formed a congressional coalition against his wife's radical temperance policies. The only problem was that Morrison kept relapsing after enacting more lenient drug laws, allowing his wife to take control and reverse his actions. Mrs. Morrison remained a popular figure after her husband left office; in 1831 while attending the convention for the National Association for Sensible Temperance Youth, she met young Assemblyman Eli Jackson, and by the year's end, the two had brought together a coalition of politicians and activists committed to promoting conservative policies.

The official logo of the Liberal Party.

Street riots, ever common in Kennyite history, had always been motivated by ideological differences, but took on a much more partisan flare after the founding of the two major parties. Both parties started hiring thugs to win civil brawls -- the Liberal thugs were notable for wearing blue while their Conservative counterparts preferred red, giving rise to the backward political color scheme in the Federal Republic. (Most countries associate blue with the right wing and red with the left wing.) The color scheme remains unofficial to this day; neither party has officially adopted its respective color. Partisan rioting went out of fashion after the Kennyite Civil War (1852-55), but many aspects of it survive today in the Kennyite version of American football.

The common symbols of the two main parties -- the Conservative turkey and the Liberal ostrich -- originated in political cartoons from the late-19th century.

Policies

Conservatives -- originally a party of industry leaders, suffragists, farmers and religious/temperance activists -- are viewed predominantly as favoring corporate interests and the political status quo that sustains their unofficial control over politics and the government. Meanwhile, Liberals -- founded as a coalition of labor leaders, drug addicts, alcoholics, Xtaps and other disenfranchised minority groups -- have historically advocated limited checks on corporate power. However, the Liberal Party is just as heavily swayed by its corporate sponsors as the Conservative Party is, with disputes and discussions between them being largely political theater orchestrated by party paymasters for purposes of distracting the public to maintain their grip on power.

A political cartoon mocking Conservative politicians.

Since the Federal Republic joined the United Nations in 2005, and even after the country's ultimate withdrawal from its successor organization the World Assembly in 2009, the partisan divide has been dominated by issues pertaining to the international body. Conservatives are naturally more skeptical of UN/WA interference and prefer a sovereigntist approach, with a sizable wing of the party favoring total withdrawal before it finally happened. Liberals on the other hand are more inclined to regard the WA as a beneficent organization, and are more amenable to environmental, civil-rights and social-justice laws issued by the General Assembly. Conservatives, favoring a more muscular approach to threats posed by terrorists and rogue nations, are strongly in favor of international accords addressing those issues. The parties' respective establishments favor free trade, while populists in both are more hostile to the concept.

A shift from more traditional conservatism to strong libertarian tendencies on social issues has occurred in Conservative politics under presidents Manuelo Fernanda and Sammy Faisano, though there is still a substantial portion of the party that remains committed to upholding moral values, represented by political leaders like Sandy Schweitzer and activist groups like KOP-a-FEEL.

Strength

Partisan makeup of the current Kennyite Federal Assembly (2018–20): 321 Conservatives (red), 314 Liberals (blue)

Conservatives currently hold a razor-thin majority in the Assembly, and a shaky majority in the Senate. Prior to the 2018 midterm elections, Conservatives also held a narrow majority of both governorships and state legislatures, but they have since been overtaken by the Liberals in both categories.

Minor parties have thus far not been able to break through on a state or national level, though Libertarians do currently hold 6 state legislative seats across the nation, and a few dozen city council seats. The Green Party has been able to take over a few small suburban cities with mostly left-leaning populations, but they're way too busy passing resolutions condemning federal leaders as war criminals to pay any actual attention to city governance. As a result, both major parties, and in particular Conservative politicians and activists, have written off these cities as failures.

In terms of presidential elections and many Senate and Assembly seats, the most-cited Liberal strongholds are the District of Pacifica and the states of Taxachusetts, Nueva Jorge and Marsh Islands. Conservatives currently have a narrow advantage in the mostly moderate states of Fleurdelisia, Thorland, Kennsylvania, Lubberland, Nessie and Colorado Island, while Liberals have a small advantage in Santa Califia. Cartman Keys, Graceland and Chocolate Salty Islands are considered strong Conservative outposts.

Leaders

President Sammy Faisano is leader of the Conservative Party.

The president of the Federal Republic is the head of the nation's ruling party. He or she chooses the party's organizational leaders and his or her advisers set party policies and messaging, although friction between Frowning Street and the party leaders in Congress is not uncommon.

Opposition parties do not have official "leaders," as those in parliamentary democracies usually do. Each party, or its national committee, elects a chairperson, but these are typically mere functionaries with little personal influence over the party's message or direction. Congressional leaders usually have some influence over policy, but it's not until party figures battle it out in the next presidential primaries that a real leader emerges and is deferred to as the de-facto leader through the election campaign.

See also