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Anthem"Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)"
Your guess is as good as ours.
Your guess is as good as ours.
Lawrence Welk Village, the nation's capital
Lawrence Welk Village, the nation's capital
Region Lavinium
CapitalLawrence Welk Village
Demonym Schuttean
 -  Ruler Mrs. Schutte
 -  estimate 5,157,541
Currency disc

The Autocratic Freak Show of SchutteGod is a landlocked country located somewhere in Lavinium, although since the Schuttean civilization has yet to make significant advances in geography or cartography, no one is quite sure where.[1] Er...

A small and unremarkable benevolent autocracy, SchutteGod is chiefly known for its minor role in crafting international law. It authored the Fairness and Equality Act at the United Nations, and Crime and Punishment in the World Assembly.


The country's hard-working soda-producers are led by Mrs. Schutte, their crazy old aunt in the attic, who rarely is seen in public, but whose terrible shrieking voice can still heard throughout Lawrence Welk Village (the nation's capital) from time to time, with or without the aid of a loudspeaker. Mrs. Schutte seized power in 1989 and immediately deployed her loyal army of Shemps to tighten her grip on the nation: these include Shemp #2, the interior minister; Shemp #4, the foreign minister; and the now-institutionalized Shemp #3, former ambassador to the UN/WA, who is expected to make a full recovery after a slight crack-up over sentient rights. The current WA ambassador is Dora Lee, who is considered one of Mrs. Schutte's closest confidants, if not Mrs. Schutte herself.

Mrs. Schutte's subjects, though reasonably well-off, can count on no government hand-outs under any circumstance, and all male citizens are drafted at age 17 to serve a mandatory two-year term of military service. The people vote for their parliament in mostly free and democratic elections, though the results are often rigged, Mrs. Schutte maintains the right to refuse to seat any elected deputy, and she appoints the prime minister and can dismiss him at any time. The current prime minister is Shemp #1.


International cartographers have expressed bafflement and extreme frustration over the futility of charting SchutteGod's exact location, despite the fact that it is a modern society with connections to the outside world. The country is located so far inland, and presumably girt by such a vast and inhospitable wilderness, that foreign explorers have never been able to reach it by land. Additionally, it is blanketed by forests so thick and encased by mountain ranges so indomitable that evidence of human civilization cannot even be seen from space. The only way in or out of SchutteGod is via a portal to WA Headquarters in Lawrence Welk Village. No one is quite sure how the first Schuttean settlers even got there, really.

The only parts of the country that have been visited by foreigners are its embassies to Lavinium, Findhorn and the World Assembly, as well as an island resort in Southern Malibu Islands owned by Schutte Enterprises, Inc., Mrs. Schutte's private corporation. Named Corona Beach (after the beer), and first settled by stranded vacationers who were accidentally marooned on an island by a tropical cruise line, it was subsequently seized by Mrs. Schutte in 2012 and transformed into a commercial real-estate venture. Today it is a popular destination for party-hardy spring-breakers (hence the name), and home to many fussy retirees.

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