Jenny Chiang

Then-Lieutenant Chiang, protecting her country from psychotic rampaging kittens, 2005.

Jennifer Lee Chiang, described as "a macho Navy commando in a corset and a thong," is the Kennyite national security adviser and security attaché to the World Assembly. An officer in a naval "Stripper Commandos" brigade during the Kawaiian Kitten Revolution, Chiang was first given command over the security detail for the Kennyite UN/WA mission in March 2006, being afforded the rank of Navy commander (and promoted to captain in 2011). Chiang was nominated to take the place of then-National Security Adviser Karen Greene when the latter was named secretary of defense in 2008. The captain's surname derives from that of Chinese republican hero Chiang Kai-shek, from whom she claims direct lineage.

When her former superior Jack Riley (now secretary of state) was placed on "medical leave" in July 2006, Chiang was granted broader authority to formulate UN/WA mission policy, especially as it applied to national- and international-security matters. She still speaks for the Federal Republic during many General Assembly floor debates and drafting sessions, and is considered the more blunt and "brutally honest" speaker on the Kennyites' WA team. She is a steadfast advocate for rudeness, profanity and incivility on the GA floor. As security attaché, her rather zealous efforts at protecting the mission and its staff from perceived threats have come under scrutiny: she has been accused, if not formally charged, with using torture on terror suspects, spearheading "illegal" wiretaps, and installing listening devices in the Strangers' Bar, where she is a frequent customer.

She is said to have shared an excellent rapport with Sammy Faisano while he was UN ambassador, and has proven quite adept at thwarting current Amb. Susa Batko-Yovino's attempts to explode himself.

Famous quote

"We're not baking cookies here; we're crafting international law, and there's no reason on Earth why we shouldn't express the positions of our respective governments with all due clarity and bluntness. ... You wanna make friends? Go visit the Strangers' Bar -- and as long as we're tossing out clichés, if ya can't take the heat, buddy, get the fuck out of the kitchen!"

Additional materials

• Statesmen of the Antarctic - includes profile of Jenny Chiang, Feb. 4, 2011.