Omigodtheykilledkenny presidential election, 2020
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2015 ←
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March 31, 2020 (2020-03-31)
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→ 2025
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The Kennyite presidential election of 2020 is scheduled to be held on March 31, 2020. Incumbent President Sammy Faisano has decided not to seek another term in office; therefore, voters will choose between Conservative nominee and current National Security Adviser Jenny Chiang and "Liberal" Federal Assemblyman Vernel Sandberg. Also the "third parties" are fielding candidates that no one gives a shit about. The nominees for vice president are Conservative former Téjas Governor Justin Grey and teen climate activist Brunhilde Bokk. Chiang would be the first woman elected president, as well as the first Asian, while Sandberg would be the first Jew. Additionally, Bokk would be the first bratty child to hold national office since Manuelo Fernanda or Antigone Morgan.
Candidates
President
- Jenny Chiang is a Navy commando who has served as a key WA diplomat and national security official for the past 15 years. Nevertheless, at the top of her KBI file, in bold red letters, it says, "WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THIS WOMAN!!!"
- Vernel Sandberg, 79, is a long-serving independent Federal Assemblyman, an avowed socialist and crotchety old crank who is openly hostile to members of both parties. He spends his time running for office because he lives in a senior community where they landscape the front yards with rocks and thus he has no lawn to chase the kids off of.
Vice President
- Justin Grey is the former governor of Téjas who after a 15-year fight with the Vatican was finally granted an annulment from his first wife just last year. His current fiancée and aspiring Second Lady was just four years old when the ecclesiastical dispute started. Grey's father is former President Frank Grey.
- Brunhilde Bokk is a Dutch climate activist who at the tender age of 13 has earned more awards and accolades from left-wing organizations than favorable marks at school (which is not hard to do when you haven't attended school for the past 18 months). She is wise to steer clear from her opponent, considering his last four girlfriends were not much older than her.
