Jack Riley
| Jack Riley | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Vice President of Omigodtheykilledkenny | |
| Incumbent | |
| Assumed office | June 6, 2015 |
| President | Sammy Faisano |
| Preceded by | Jessie McArthur |
| Kennyite Secretary of State | |
| In office | 2010 – 2015 |
| Preceded by | Sammy Faisano |
| Succeeded by | Jimmy Baca |
Jack Riley is a Kennyite diplomat and television personality who was elected vice president of the Federal Republic in 2015. Prior to his election, he served the Manuelo Fernanda administration as an ambassador and State Department official before being named to head the department in 2010. President Sammy Faisano endorsed Secretary Riley as his vice president in the 2015 elections.
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Early career and UN nomination
Prior to his foray into diplomacy, Riley was a TV sports commentator, during which time he befriended future President Manuelo Fernanda, then a pro-boxer and a contestant on the boxing reality show The Contender. A graduate of Paradise City University with a degree in communications, Riley also served as a bombastic right-wing commentator for Fox News, where his colorful, somewhat conspiratorial commentary against "sucking up to regimes that hate our guts" apparently impressed Fernanda so much, he later named him his ambassador to the United Nations.
An undiplomatic smart-aleck with unrelenting contempt for the UN, Riley was an odd choice for UN ambassador: Prior to his 2005 nomination, he had suggested, only half-kiddingly, that the UN Headquarters be demolished and that the international body move to "more cost-effective digs in the basement of a Paradise City crackhouse. We wouldn't even charge rent." The nod enraged Omigodtheykilledkenny liberals who accused the administration of "trying to sabotage the UN." The Senate minority filibustered his nomination, forcing the president to grant him a recess appointment.
Ambassador to the United Nations
In his capacity as the Federal Republic's chief diplomat at the UN, Riley firmly established himself and his nation among the staunchest supporters of national sovereignty, and authored two defeated repeals of UN environmental legislation and a successful repeal the obsolete Gay Rights resolution. In addition, he opposed just about every other resolution that made its way to the General Assembly chamber, sparred with "freakin' pansy-ass, bleeding-heart" colleagues over human-rights legislation, was accused of conspiring to deceive the public into supporting a repeal of Protection of Dolphins Act, and became the frequent target (at least he claimed) of the "dolphin mafia." On the heels of the Federal Republic's brief withdrawal from the UN in 2006, Riley became notorious for delivering insane, paranoid rants during floor debates, some of which were partly relevant to the topic at hand.
As administration officials became increasingly worried over his seeming descent into madness, Riley was finally dismissed from his post after catnapping an Ardchoillen diplomat in July 2006, and was immediately dispatched as ambassador to The Eternal Kawaii, a sometime Kennyite enemy, ostensibly to "recover." Faisano, then the ambassador to Gruenberg, was named as Riley's replacement at the UN.
The Eternal Kawaii and 'Lord Gojira'
Riley's tenure in HOCEK was largely uneventful till the end of 2006, when his superiors at the State Department became concerned that his condition had worsened, when he began delivering frantic reports about an "ancient behemoth" named "Lord Gojira" rising from the ocean and laying waste to the Kawaiian capital city and surrounding areas. The administration swiftly ordered him recalled to Paradise City to keep a closer watch on him. For months, though, Riley was still hiding out in the embassy, ducking bill collectors. He was later discovered aboard a ship of Kawaiian refugees that mistakenly made port in Paradise City. (For the record, then-Ambassador-at-Large Antoin Venn made a personal mission to HOCEK while Riley was filing his apocalyptic reports, and claims they were true. He too was accused of being "mentally unstable.")
State Department and vice-presidency
In 2007, Fernanda named Riley assistant secretary for UN-Member Affairs, where he was responsible for handling the administration's responses to situations in nations the Federal Republic knew through the United Nations. He was said to have "redeemed himself" for his proactive role in resolving international crises, such as one in West Ariddia in mid-2007. Riley was promoted to undersecretary of political affairs in 2008, and nominated for secretary of state when the previous secretary (Faisano, again), was elected vice president. As secretary, Riley helped improve relations with a number of nations, sought to revive the Kennyites' role as a major world player, chiefly within the sphere of the World Assembly, and in that vein began addressing the WA once again as an official representative of the Federal Republic.
Secretary Riley retained his post in the administration of Sammy Faisano, who became president in 2012 when Fernanda exiled himself to Empress Jhessan's Malibu Islands playground to avoid prosecution for the attempted strangulation of a hooker in the Altani embassy. Riley was passed over for an appointment as replacement vice president, (inexplicably) in favor of reality-TV star Jessie McArthur, but was endorsed by Faisano as his preferred vice-presidential candidate in the 2015 campaign. Riley handily defeated incumbent Vice President McArthur and Liberal candidate Clover Hippychick, the secretary of the interior.
