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MottoChingue a su madre
Anthem"Taco-Flavored Kisses"
Location of Boricuastan in  Ameranta
Location of Boricuastan in Ameranta
Region International Democratic Union
CapitalPuerta Cerveza
Official languages Spanish, English
Demonym Boricuastani
Government Republic
 -  President Tigre Soto
 -  Pacification of the Amazons July 7, 1793 
 -  estimate 1,431,603
Currency soberano

Boricuastan (bor-EEK-wuh-stan), officially the Rogue Nation of Boricuastan, is an island nation located between the Atlantic Ocean and Ameranta's Tiberian Sea. A veritable wasteland of industrial pollution and urban decay, wreathed by almost deceptively beautiful tropical beaches, it is stained by a brutal dictatorial legacy stretching back over 200 years. It has historical and ancestral links to Omigodtheykilledkenny; Loki and Thor, respectively the founders of Boricuastan and the Federal Republic, were brothers. Consequently the Boricuastani are sometimes referred to as "the Kennyites' belligerent (or psychotic) second cousins." Boricuastan is distinctive as a modern-day matriarchal society. Hilariously enough, it is also politically affiliated with the International Democratic Union, and (easily) ranks among the organization's most radical and authoritarian countries.


Amazonian tribes known as the boricua first settled the island now known as Boricuastan around 3,500 years ago. What little anthropological and archaeological evidence exists on the ancient boricua culture reveals the peoples to have been quite primitive, if a little bitchy.

Spanish missionaries introduced modern civilization, including Christianity and the Spanish language, to the boricua in the early 16th century, and the tribeswomen in turn introduced their many exotic sexual practices, which the missionaries were only too eager to learn. However, the Spaniards did not realize that boricua women routinely enslave their mates before eventually drowning them under their sacred waterfalls, as a unique form of ritual sacrifice. Thus the missionaries were systematically killed off, even as the culture they brought with them survived.

Kennyites first visited the island in 1793 when one of their naval fleets, commanded by Loki, got lost in a storm and washed up on the island's shores. The seamen were quickly taken with the beautiful young native women, and decided to stay awhile. Unlike the cowardly Spaniards, they resisted when their mates tried to enslave them, which was oddly thrilling to the Amazons, who had never encountered such strong-willed, "take charge" kind of guys before. This incident, known as the Pacification of the Amazons (Pacificación de las amazonas), is considered the advent of the modern Boricuastani state. Loki, who was widely considered the most rugged and manly of the new settlers, was hailed as Boricuastan's first president. (However, his wife, Queen Perradona of the boricua, was the real ruler, owing to her innate ability to nag him to death until he did what she wanted.) The first generation of Boricua-Kennyite children assimilated into the Boricuastani culture, as did the children of a new wave of Kennyite settlers in the early 1800s, which allowed the modified native culture to survive the threat of colonialism. More than half of today's Boricuastani can claim at least one Kennyite ancestor.

Pollution has been a major problem on the island since the Industrial Revolution.

The island's rudimentary democracy quickly transformed into a corrupt and unstable dictatorship, with the presidency regularly changing hands with each military coup. The Industrial Revolution wiped out much of the island's natural beauty. Omigodtheykilledkenny, Boricuastan's strongest trading partner, brokered yet another coup on the island when its incumbent president tried imposing new trade restrictions in 1902. From then on, the Kennyites became the chief sponsor of Boricuastan's oppressive regime.

In 2006, after local elections produced a socialist president, the Kennyite Armed Forces invaded Boricuastan and arranged for Kennyite President Manuelo Fernanda's drinking buddy Tigre Soto to seize power as ruler. This was incredibly ironic for a nation such as Omigodtheykilledkenny, who routinely used Boricuastan as an example nation in UN debates on national sovereignty. "Sovereignty for me, not for thee!" was the slogan of Kennyite antiwar activists during the invasion.


Voters celebrate Soto's landslide victory in the 2013 elections.

Boricuastan is a democracy, in the sense that its citizens cast ballots. Whether or not the election results are reflective of actual votes is another matter. The Rogue Nation is a republic, with many of its governmental institutions mirroring those of the Kennyites. They regularly "elect" a president and a bicameral Congress -- and even though most of the candidates are male, voters tend to choose their leaders based on their impressions of the candidates' wives, since according to the nation's matriarchal tradition it is universally assumed that the women are the ones who will be calling all the shots anyway. President Soto's regime has been able to endure for the past ten years due to the popularity of his wife, Genoviva, lovingly known among the people as la tigresa, or "the Tigress."

As the country is a virtual police state, support for the military and police force are essential for the government to function. The Kennyite invasion of Boricuastan lasted only about a year, as they were able to quickly withdraw after buying off the island's military leaders. The dictatorship's eschewing of World Assembly membership has allowed it to be free of international standards on basic human rights. Boricuastan's only involvement in world affairs occurred after the 2006 invasion, when they briefly held the Federal Republic's UN seat. Its membership in the IDU is basically just a front so that the Kennyites can exercise influence in that organization.


Deriving from its Amazonian origins, Boricuastani culture is deeply seeded in matriarchal tradition. Family names are determined by the maternal line (i.e., husbands take their wives' names, and children take their mothers'), and women have traditionally played the dominant role in family decision-making, adopting a more assertive, proactive version of marianismo. Men are typically the "bread-winners," but this is viewed as a more submissive practice than in most "Western"-style societies. A traditional marianista would consider it her solemn right to sit around and do nothing while her man does all the work. It is possibly the most overtly sexist form of matriarchy ever devised.

Antigone Morgan appears in a Boricuastani soda ad.

Catholicism (91%) and the Spanish language (90%) are dominant, but the country is heavily influenced by Kennyite popular culture as well. Many of Boricuastan's movies and TV shows are basically just Spanish-language adaptations of Kennyite productions. Boricuastan's own Friends knockoff, Amienemigos ("Frenemies"), was not nearly the ratings success on the island that was Omigodtheykilledkenny's Amigos. In fact, Amigos star Antigone Morgan (who is the granddaughter of Boricuastani immigrants), is much more popular in Boricuastan than most of the country's own native actors. Boricuastan is the only country in the world where Spank Me Scotty! was a box-office smash.

One area in which Kennyite influences are marginal, however, is in the world of sports. Fútbol (soccer) is by far the most popular team sport, and is a primary influence on Boricuastani mass culture (albeit mostly in commercials for sneakers and sporting goods).