Difference between revisions of "2015 Omigodtheykilledkenny presidential election"
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===Vice President=== | ===Vice President=== | ||
| − | *'''Jack Riley''' | + | *'''Jack Riley''' was the secretary of state and former Kennyite ambassador to the UN and the Eternal Kawaii. |
*'''Clover Hippychick''' is the secretary of the interior, having served in that post for ten years. | *'''Clover Hippychick''' is the secretary of the interior, having served in that post for ten years. | ||
| − | *'''[[Jessie McArthur]]''', an independent candidate, | + | *'''[[Jessie McArthur]]''', an independent candidate, was the incumbent vice president, former deputy ambassador to the UN, and a star of the mega-popular reality series ''[[World Assembly (TV series)|World Assembly]]''. |
==Background== | ==Background== | ||
| − | Faisano was a popular incumbent entering the 2015 race, yet still vulnerable due to a number of personal scandals that arose during his short time in office. This is nothing unusual, as Kennyite politicians are notoriously prone to scandal, but Faisano | + | [[File:Faisano interview.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Faisano's demeanor in a KBC interview was so awkward that the reporter asked if he was stoned. When he replied, "Yeah. So?", he shot up ten points in the polls.]] |
| + | Faisano was a popular incumbent entering the 2015 race, yet still vulnerable due to a number of personal scandals that arose during his short time in office. This is nothing unusual, as Kennyite politicians are notoriously prone to scandal, but Faisano had initially been perceived as "cleaner" than most of his contemporaries. That changed when he was accused of engaging in a "corrupt bargain" with his friend, former Judge [[Sandy Schweitzer]], who was alleged to have called in favors from her friends on the bench to assure that Faisano was declared president after Fernanda fled to Malibu Islands. This was followed up shortly after by the 2013 release of the Stark Report, which accused Faisano and his friend [[Antigone Morgan]] of lying under oath to conceal their past relationship. No charges were filed against either of them. | ||
However, the president was able to reassure the public of his capabilities with victories over the Secretariat in seizing the [[List of WA forum memes#Death Star|Death Star]] from them, and over the Martian American States in a coup on the Red Planet. Thus Faisano was assured of no serious challenges for the Conservative nomination in 2014-15. | However, the president was able to reassure the public of his capabilities with victories over the Secretariat in seizing the [[List of WA forum memes#Death Star|Death Star]] from them, and over the Martian American States in a coup on the Red Planet. Thus Faisano was assured of no serious challenges for the Conservative nomination in 2014-15. | ||
==Liberal primaries== | ==Liberal primaries== | ||
| − | Former President [[John Thorne]] once again threw hat in the ring, only to have it stomped on by his longtime rival, former Assembly Speaker Jim Hankley. With the two of them holding each other back, Heimann-Weisenstaruss was able to sail past them to victory. A longtime pacifist and advocate of | + | [[File:Heimann-Weisenstrauss.jpg|thumb|250px|Heimann-Weisenstrauss, speaking at an Occupy Paradise City rally, calls upon Kennyites to save the space unicorns.]] |
| + | Former President [[John Thorne]] once again threw his hat in the ring, only to have it stomped on by his longtime rival, former Assembly Speaker Jim Hankley. With the two of them holding each other back, Heimann-Weisenstaruss was able to sail past them to victory. A longtime pacifist and advocate of appeasing terrorists, Heimann's slogan was "Make Omigodtheykilledkenny Cower Again." | ||
==Campaign== | ==Campaign== | ||
Dominating most polls, due in part to questions about his opponent's sanity, Faisano pretty much coasted through general election season, even taking a break after the first debate to get some sun in Malibu Islands with Morgan, who is totally not his girlfriend. | Dominating most polls, due in part to questions about his opponent's sanity, Faisano pretty much coasted through general election season, even taking a break after the first debate to get some sun in Malibu Islands with Morgan, who is totally not his girlfriend. | ||
| − | Heimann had a much tougher slog in her campaign, repeatedly having to walk back from numerous eyebrow-raising claims, like how Faisano's "maddening" foreign policy would hasten "the Druid Apocalypse," or that the president was secretly leading a "[[Wikipedia:brony|brony]] conspiracy" to take over the world. Some of her proposals resonated with voters, such as her plan to fund prescription-drug coverage by robbing corporate criminals like Eduard Heir blind; others, like her plan to rejoin the [[World Assembly]] and replace Congress with a "council of [[Compliance Commission|compliance gnomes]]," did not. Polls showed that as much as 30% wouldn't even consider voting for her "unless she submitted to a CAT scan first" -- but hey, she was running against the dude who invaded Mars, so | + | Heimann had a much tougher slog in her campaign, repeatedly having to walk back from numerous eyebrow-raising claims, like how Faisano's "maddening" foreign policy would hasten "the Druid Apocalypse," or that the president was secretly leading a "[[Wikipedia:brony|brony]] conspiracy" to take over the world. Some of her proposals resonated with voters, such as her plan to fund prescription-drug coverage by robbing corporate criminals like Eduard Heir blind; others, like her plan to rejoin the [[World Assembly]] and replace Congress with a "council of [[Compliance Commission|compliance gnomes]]," did not. Polls showed that as much as 30% wouldn't even consider voting for her "unless she submitted to a CAT scan first" -- but hey, she was running against the dude who invaded Mars, so who was really the crazy one? |
| − | + | [[File:McArthur trigger happy.jpg|thumb|175px|It's astonishing Jessie McArthur didn't do better in the polls. She hit all the right buttons.]] | |
===Debate=== | ===Debate=== | ||
| − | About five minutes in, independent candidate Jessie McArthur, who had not been invited due to lagging poll numbers, broke into the venue and upstaged her opponents with a strip-tease show. Faisano and Heimann both left when the horny debate moderators refused to intervene. | + | About five minutes in, independent candidate Jessie McArthur, who had not been invited due to lagging poll numbers, broke into the venue and upstaged her opponents with a strip-tease show. Faisano and Heimann both left when the horny debate moderators refused to intervene to stop the spectacle. It was a national embarrassment. And riveting television. |
==Results== | ==Results== | ||
Revision as of 21:45, 10 February 2016
The Kennyite presidential election of 2015 was held Tuesday, March 31, 2015. Voters chose Conservatives Sammy Faisano and Jack Riley for president and vice president, respectively. They defeated Liberal presidential candidate Angela Heimann-Weisenstrauss and vice-presidential candidate Clover Hippychick.
Contents
Candidates
President
- Sammy Faisano was the incumbent candidate, having acceded to the presidency in 2012 when Manuelo Fernanda was forced to flee to Malibu Islands to avoid prosecution. Faisano is the former secretary of state and Kennyite ambassador to Gruenberg, Ardchoille and the United Nations; he was elected as vice president under Fernanda in 2010.
- Angela Heimann-Weisenstrauss is the former Kennyite ambassador to Gruenberg (and coincidentally succeeded Faisano to the post in 2006). She is a noted feminist scholar, expert on Wenaist teachings and a former State Department analyst on lunatic theocracies.
- Shirley Jackson, an independent candidate, is a former Federal Assemblywoman and ambassador to the Eternal Kawaii. She served the Kennyite mission to the UN between those two posts.
Vice President
- Jack Riley was the secretary of state and former Kennyite ambassador to the UN and the Eternal Kawaii.
- Clover Hippychick is the secretary of the interior, having served in that post for ten years.
- Jessie McArthur, an independent candidate, was the incumbent vice president, former deputy ambassador to the UN, and a star of the mega-popular reality series World Assembly.
Background
Faisano was a popular incumbent entering the 2015 race, yet still vulnerable due to a number of personal scandals that arose during his short time in office. This is nothing unusual, as Kennyite politicians are notoriously prone to scandal, but Faisano had initially been perceived as "cleaner" than most of his contemporaries. That changed when he was accused of engaging in a "corrupt bargain" with his friend, former Judge Sandy Schweitzer, who was alleged to have called in favors from her friends on the bench to assure that Faisano was declared president after Fernanda fled to Malibu Islands. This was followed up shortly after by the 2013 release of the Stark Report, which accused Faisano and his friend Antigone Morgan of lying under oath to conceal their past relationship. No charges were filed against either of them.
However, the president was able to reassure the public of his capabilities with victories over the Secretariat in seizing the Death Star from them, and over the Martian American States in a coup on the Red Planet. Thus Faisano was assured of no serious challenges for the Conservative nomination in 2014-15.
Liberal primaries
Former President John Thorne once again threw his hat in the ring, only to have it stomped on by his longtime rival, former Assembly Speaker Jim Hankley. With the two of them holding each other back, Heimann-Weisenstaruss was able to sail past them to victory. A longtime pacifist and advocate of appeasing terrorists, Heimann's slogan was "Make Omigodtheykilledkenny Cower Again."
Campaign
Dominating most polls, due in part to questions about his opponent's sanity, Faisano pretty much coasted through general election season, even taking a break after the first debate to get some sun in Malibu Islands with Morgan, who is totally not his girlfriend.
Heimann had a much tougher slog in her campaign, repeatedly having to walk back from numerous eyebrow-raising claims, like how Faisano's "maddening" foreign policy would hasten "the Druid Apocalypse," or that the president was secretly leading a "brony conspiracy" to take over the world. Some of her proposals resonated with voters, such as her plan to fund prescription-drug coverage by robbing corporate criminals like Eduard Heir blind; others, like her plan to rejoin the World Assembly and replace Congress with a "council of compliance gnomes," did not. Polls showed that as much as 30% wouldn't even consider voting for her "unless she submitted to a CAT scan first" -- but hey, she was running against the dude who invaded Mars, so who was really the crazy one?
Debate
About five minutes in, independent candidate Jessie McArthur, who had not been invited due to lagging poll numbers, broke into the venue and upstaged her opponents with a strip-tease show. Faisano and Heimann both left when the horny debate moderators refused to intervene to stop the spectacle. It was a national embarrassment. And riveting television.
Results
President
| Omigodtheykilledkenny presidential election, 2015 | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Candidate / Party | State | Electors | Pop. % | Popular vote | |
| Sammy Faisano (C) | Thorland | 647 | 54% | 1,087,654,008 | |
| Angela Heimann (L) | District of Pacifica | 208 | 40% | 805,669,635 | |
| Shirley Jackson (Green) | Kennsylvania | 0 | 4% | 80,570,943 | |
Vice President
| Omigodtheykilledkenny vice-presidential election, 2015 | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Candidate / Party | State | Electors | Pop. % | Popular vote | |
| Jack Riley (C) | Dist. of Pacifica | 515 | 50% | 967,599,100 | |
| Clover Hippychick (L) | Graham Land | 340 | 44% | 851,619,545 | |
| Jessie McArthur (I) | Santa Califia | 0 | 5% | 100,480,951 | |
Additional materials
- Boygroups, volleyball, scandal: Kennyites elect a president - NationStates Dispatch
