Difference between revisions of "SchutteGod and the World Assembly"

Revision as of 20:27, 24 April 2016

SchutteGod

World Assembly membership
Membership	Full member
Since	2008
Ambassador	Dora Lee

SchutteGod has been an occasional participant in the World Assembly since shortly after its founding in 2008; it was also briefly a member of the WA's predecessor organization, the United Nations, for part of 2007. SchutteGod has no connection whatsoever to the Kennyites. It has sponsored one failed resolution and co-sponsored one passed resolution in the General Assembly.

History

Ambassador Shemp, lobbying for sapient rights, 2008.

In May 2008, Ambassador Shemp #3, who had previously served as SchutteGod's ambassador to the UN, returned to UNHQ, now WA Headquarters, to present his credentials to the Secretary-General. By sheer coincidence, this happened the very same day of Omigodtheykilledkenny's very public and very petulant withdrawal from the WA, but since SchutteGod has no connection whatsoever to the Kennyites, it is just that: coincidence. At any rate, Shemp soon had a nervous breakdown on the General Assembly floor during the debate for his sponsored Sentients Rights Act, and SchutteGod was forced to resign. Omigodtheykilledkenny rejoined the WA the same day the Schutteans left -- leading some to wonder if they had ever seen the ambassadors from the two countries in the same room at the same time. (For the record, yes, they have.) SchutteGod returned in 2010 with Dora Lee as ambassador, replacing Shemp, who is still recovering at St. Schutte's Refuge for the Mentally Infirm.

Legislation

Sentients Rights Act

Also known as The Shut Up St Edmund Act of 2008, Shemp's Sentients Rights Act sought to address both sentience and sapience and enumerate rights for species in both categories. It was inspired by, and intended to ameliorate, St Edmund's constant interjections on the GA floor any time "persons" or "people" were mentioned (to wit: "But what about bears???!!!"). The debate for SRA was described as "a wall of idiocy," wherein the inimitably calm Schutteans were asked if they had a "major Prozac dependency."^[1] As it turned out, however, their prescription had run out at exactly the wrong moment, for in the waning moments of the vote, Shemp would suffer from a massive mental break and have to be escorted out by men in white coats.

At the same time, the debate also featured one of the best brawls in UN/WA history, when a giant mechanical squid entered the assembly hall, only to be attacked by Glog, who heroically stabbed the beast, covering much of the GA floor in ink. Later on, Iron Felix's faithful dog Mister Jones rampaged through the assembly, mauling various opponents of the legislation, and having a run-in with Susa (who charged into the hall, curiously enough, right after Shemp had been escorted out).

Resolution text

The World Assembly,

Acknowledging that the recognition of the rights of sapients under international law remains a contentious issue within these halls;

Applauding the efforts of nations to extend essential rights and freedoms to non-human sapients in their own territories, and to lobby on behalf of non-human sapients on the global stage;

Affirming that all sapient creatures deserve the same rights and freedoms extended to humans, and that all sentient beings are deserving of protection under international law;

Noting that this legislation applies only to natural biological sapient species:

Defines "sapience" as independent capacity for wisdom, judgment, the formation of rational, abstract or logical thoughts, and the ability to communicate these thoughts with others;

Defines "sentience" as the ability to perceive consciousness or self-awareness, an intelligence that does not necessarily rise to the level of sapience;

Declares that member nations shall determine which biological species residing in their own borders possess sentient or sapient qualities, provided that the process involved is fair and even-handed and excludes potential conflicts of interest, that all available valid and confirmed scientific evidence is taken into account, and that denials of sentient or sapient status can be appealed to a higher, disinterested official or body within the government;

Requires member states to extend rights, freedoms, privileges and entitlements, on a par with those guaranteed to humans under international law, to all sapient species under their jurisdiction;

Obligates member states to take all prudent and necessary measures to protect all sentient creatures under their jurisdiction from deliberate, unprovoked harm, violence, killings, or extermination.