Tiki Taki
| Tiki Taki | |||
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| Anthem: Musika malie | |||
 Guana Tonga Mo Bay in Tiki Taki
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 Location of Tiki Taki in Malibu Islands and in relation to Omigodtheykilledkenny (shaded in red)
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| Region | Malibu Islands | ||
| Capital | Guana Tonga Mo Bay | ||
| Demonym | Taki Tiki | ||
| Government | Parliamentary democracy | ||
| - | Prime Minister | Kona Leoni | |
| Population | |||
| - | 2015 estimate | 810,000 | |
| Currency | tree-fiddy | ||
Tiki Taki is an island country in the Malibu Islands chain that has been occupied by Omigodtheykilledkenny since 2005. It became the dramatic first front in Manuelo Fernanda's "war on terror" after the Kennyite government accused the tiny island of carrying out an attack on the Paradise City Dumbasses cheerleading squad (the Dumbitches). The invasion was swift, the islanders' surrender came quick, but ultimately, no weapons of mass destruction were found in the island girls' coconut bikinis, despite the president's assurances that they were so busty they could be concealing anything in there. A lavish government resort and a prison camp for terror detainees now stand on the outskirts of Guana Tonga Mo Bay, the island's main settlement, where huts once produced fearsome native spears that (apparently) threatened the security of the civilized world. Though stripped of their weapons, the Taki Tiki tribesmen continued to thrive on their island; they welcomed the invading forces as honored guests, and even hailed President Fernanda a god. (Yeah, they're idiots.)
History
Archaeological evidence suggests that humans first settled Tiki Taki along with the rest of the Malibu island chain around 10,000 years ago, arriving either by primitive watercraft, an enormous land bridge that once connected the subcontinent of Gruenberg with the present-day island chain -- or when the ancient Gruenbergers cut off tiny peninsulas that were once connected to the mainland and let them drift out to sea, because they hated the people that lived there. The last theory is currently the most viable. (Either that, or those "military-grade helicopters" that transport NS nations from region to region.)
Other prehistorical findings indicate that Taki Tikis actually wore clothing up till the late 1800s, when National Geographic photographers arrived and the tribespeople really wanted to put on a show. So from then on it was just g-strings and (optional) coconut-bikini tops for them.
A series of tribal chiefs ruled Tiki Taki until about 1500, when Chief Fukmari'kil divided his chiefdom amongst his three sons -- Hou'i-aliki, Du'e-aliki and Lu'ie-aliki -- giving rise to the Taki Tiki tribes. The present-day town of Guana Tonga Mo Bay was originally settled by the Hou'i tribesman, comprised of the families of Hou'i-aliki and his allies. The Du'e and Lu'ie tribes settled nearby in villages that did not survive to the present day. The three tribes coexisted harmoniously for two and a half centuries, only occasionally warring with each other over stolen wives and/or rigged hula contests, until in 1790, when they were once again united under the same banner after Hou'i Chief Jus'ta-cwiki bought off the two other tribal chiefs and declared himself king of the entire island. The Jus'ta-cwiki dynasty ruled until around 1900, when local tribal councils began to eclipse royal influence, eventually deeming the Taki Tiki monarchs mere figureheads.
Historical records suggest that the first foreigners to visit the island were Gruenberger travelers in the 1600s, who left their home country because who wouldn't want to get out of that hellhole? They were promptly chased off the island when the natives mistook the strange, hot, smokey, orange substance they used to cook meals for witchcraft. Imperium Anglorum missionaries also visited in the 1800s, but they were violently sacrificed to the gods...or fed to a giant primordial gorilla the tribesmen thought was a god -- the records aren't clear -- but it might help explain why Imperials hate indigenous peoples so much.
Such cruel fates were not in store for the Kennyites, however, when they arrived in 2005, seeking revenge for their stupid dead cheerleaders, and falsely assuming an active volcano to be evidence of an "advanced WMD program." Invoking the Moran Doctrine (also known as the "White People Know Best" Doctrine), the Kennyites took over the island, establishing a heavy presence in the Taki Tiki capital of Guana Tonga Mo Bay and installing a civilian administrator to govern their new territory for an indefinite period of time.
Legal status
Self-governance has since been restored to the island, or so the Kennyite government claims. Civilian Administrator Kitsen Thermopolis stepped down in 2014 after the islanders freely elected a new Taki Tiki parliament -- the legislative sessions of which, by the way, totally awesome; the parliament is about 80% female and all business is conducted in traditional tribal attire, and you know what that means...If you don't have KSPAN already you need to order it now! Anyway, back to the boring stuff. Kona Leoni has been confirmed as the prime minister of the island, and the local government now handles most domestic matters, but the Kennyites are still ultimately responsible for the island's security, defense, economy and foreign affairs. Roughly 5,000 Kennyite troops remain stationed on Tiki Taki, most at the Guana Tonga Mo Bay naval base.
Activist movements in Tiki Taki hold that the island should become either a state within Omigodtheykilledkenny, or a sovereign country completely independent of the Federal Republic. The Kennyite government claims that Tiki Taki's legal status is as "a self-governing country in free association with" the Federal Republic. The Kennyite ambassador to Malibu Islands, Alex Tehrani, exercises considerable influence over the Taki Tiki government, even acting as an informal "head of state" because the island does not have one of its own, effectively making him a viceroy.
Fritz Conway, a Kennyite citizen and ethnic Taki Tiki, is the Kennyite ambassador to Tiki Taki.
