Omigodtheykilledkenny
Omigodtheykilledkenny
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| Motto: You bastards! | |||
| Anthem: "Blame Canada" | |||
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| Region | Antarctic Oasis | ||
| Capital | Paradise City | ||
| Demonym | Kennyite | ||
| Government | Federal republic | ||
| - | President | Sammy Faisano | |
| Foundation | |||
| - | Founder's Day | February 11, 1785 | |
| Population | |||
| - | estimate | 3.5 billion | |
| Currency | tree-fiddy | ||
Teeming along the shores of the Antarctic Peninsula and neighboring ice shelves and islands thrives a veritable civilization of mindless zombies who have somehow acquired nuclear capability. Oh sure, anthropologists will try to tell you that these impossibly dimwitted creatures are actually human citizens of the NS nation of Omigodtheykilledkenny, but pay no mind to those granola-munching hippy "scientists" and their drug-addled "findings." We have always known that the only good Kennyite is a drunk Kennyite...or something like that. The truly frightening thing is that despite their cranial deficiencies and rogue tendencies, the Federal Republic remains a major world power, wielding significant influence in the World Assembly and the international arena, and continually pressuring allied nations to capitulate to sovereigntist tyranny, debase and ridicule international law, and aid in the wholesale slaughter of dolphins. They were even condemned for these actions, but neither they nor the rest of the world seem to care. They are a dangerous and destructive force in the world -- however unwittingly -- and their recklessness will inevitably breed disaster on a global scale. And that asteroid they accidentally sent hurdling toward the Earth is just the start of it.
Etymology
No one knows exactly where the name Omigodtheykilledkenny came from, but the most widely accepted explanation comes from an 18th century folk tale about some dude named Kenny whom the Xtapolopaqetl accidentally killed by daring him to eat 100 marshmallow peeps, which expanded in his stomach until his abdomen ruptured, supposedly prompting the Kennyite revolt against their Xtap hosts. Whether true or not, the story has been a source of much racial division within the country, and consequently, both the nation's name and motto are widely considered racist today. Even using Kenny as your official team mascot is enough for the KFL to pull your trademark, as the Los Posas Dead Kennys would learn in 2009.
History
Thor founded Omigodtheykilledkenny in 1785, and people are still suing his estate over it 200 years later. The first Kennyites arrived on the shores of Mesoameranta in the mid-1770s, and were initially welcomed by the Xtapolopaqetl, who shared some of their finest wine with the weary settlers. Big mistake. Ten years later, the drunken Kennyites had overthrown the Xtap emperor and replaced his incompetent regime with an even more incompetent republic, and even worse, elected Thor as the first president. Luckily Thor had so thoroughly discredited himself after just five years in office that the voters were ready to run him out of town on a rail by the time the next elections came around. Thor was soundly defeated by his chief rival, Douglas Frowning (for whom Frowning Street is named), and spent his retirement writing angry letters to the editor and chasing kids off his lawn with a broom.
A series of inept presidents governed Omigodtheykilledkenny during the early 1800s and kept it isolated from the rest of the world. This period is known to the rest of the world as "the Golden Age." The Industrial Revolution transformed the country's major cities into cesspools of pollution and disease, sparking a Marxist-inspired popular insurgency in 1853 led by rogue Army General Borracho Villa. President Eli Jackson and the nation's corporate interests responded, extorting Villa's loyalty after learning he had a thing for teenage boys and swiftly crushing his rebellion. The aftermath of the Kennyite Civil War left the corporations firmly in charge of the country and its government. Omigodtheykilledkenny would soon involve itself in numerous foreign wars in order to protect corporate interests overseas, giving the nation a dubious reputation as an international bully.
The Kennyites were tricked into joining the Kaiserreich Wars in 1912 when an attractive girl-nation sweetly conned them into paying her ex-boyfriend-nation a visit in order to retrieve her stereo. Also around this time, a decades-long dispute with Aundotutunagir over the Molotov Islands began, eventually ending in profound embarrassment for both sides. During the 1938 War of the Worlds radio broadcasts, President Frank Kettle declared war on Mars. Obviously that was an overreaction, but it nonetheless fostered a national fascination with outer space. This was exposed as a massive lapse in judgment when Kennyite astronomers blew up the Moon in 1997. OK, so maybe they didn't literally "blow it up" when their nuclear space shuttle crash-landed in the Sea of Tranquility, but the Man in the Moon hasn't looked quite the same since.
Using secret means from more advanced foreign powers, the Federal Republic was forced to transfer the entire nation to the Antarctic in 2005 when seismologists predicted an inevitable geological catastrophe would leave most of Ameranta uninhabitable for decades. "The Destructor from Del Fuego, Mexico," Manuelo Fernanda came to power the same year, and began to subject the wider world to his own unique brand of sleaze, with greater engagement in the UN, bilateral diplomacy, and military intervention in the "terror havens" of Tiki Taki, Chechnya and The Eternal Kawaii. The world breathed a collective sigh of relief when Fernanda finally fell from power in 2012 -- until his successor Sammy Faisano proved even worse.
Related articles
- Xt'Tapolopaquetl
- Foreign affairs of Omigodtheykilledkenny
- Omigodtheykilledkenny and the World Assembly
- Condemn Omigodtheykilledkenny
